Checked mail

That is exactly what God has done to me the other night. Have you ever sat under a preacher and felt fairly confident that a) you were the only one in the room or b)That the one speaking had literally just read your journal. I felt both of those tonight. I was weepy the whole time. Mainly because praise and worship, my absolute favorite thing, was so powerful. I'm so thankful for those precious times of worship.

 I think part of the reason I was so weepy was because I've felt like lunch meat lately. And not the really expensive types that are like 9.99 pound with fancy herb types all rubbed in them, but more like chopped ham or souse. Yeah, more like souse. All the leftover nasty parts that are so gross. :-D  I mean, who really eats that crap?!  I feel like the past few months have been a series of screw ups and wanderings.  No big sin; just nagging, small ones that keep me from the full throttle adventure that I know God has for me.  Ones that I can NOT seem to kick no matter what.  Ugh.  So after days of particular melancholy moods, I said to myself, "Self...enough is enough.  Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and MOVE ON!"  Sometimes that works.  I'm hoping this is one of those times. 

SO.  I need a plan.  What could that plan be...I've been reading Elizabeth George's "Loving God With All Your Mind" and I read something just the other day that struck me.  That Christ commands us in Philippians 4:8  "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."  If I'm to get control over my thoughts, I need to measure every thought up to this yard stick. Is what I'm thinking, no matter how pleasurable or outlandish, is it REAL?  What happened to me 15 years ago, regardless of how I wish the outcome were different, isn't real.  My life didn't turn out that way.  What is real is that I'm married to J with 3 kids.  No matter how I wish some facets of life were different, whether it be for me or others in my circle, NOW is what is real.

The lady I heard preach the other day that moved me so talked about women being gullible, us being and raising a generation of starving Christians, and not being fully furnished spiritually.  I don't want to look back on my life and be ANY of those things.  But, I'm afraid that is exactly where I am.  So, let Operation Checked Mail commence!

2012 Book List

Every year the fam and I set goals for the new year.  I also set a book list of books I want to read.  I enjoy the accountability of a list.  I'm a list nerd.  I admit it...
I tend to gravitate toward fiction; non-fiction seems so painful to me at times...but I have added some to my list. 


Non-Fiction
Have a New Kid by Friday 12/12
11 Secrets to Getting Published 2/12
Fox's Book of Martyrs
Heaven at Home 1/12
Made to Crave
Letters from Lillian
Kisses from Katie
Loving God With All Your Mind 10/12
Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches 9/12
Fiction
Screwtape Letters
I Still Dream About You 10/12
Fly Away Home
The Glass Castle
A Northern Light 4/12
The Shack (re-read) 3/12
The Best of Me (re-read)
 The Line 3/12
The Invention of Hugo Cabret 3/12
Freak the Mighty 10/12
Michael Vey Prisoner of Cell 25 11/12

Karen Kingsbury Books:
Loving 4/12
Ever After 6/12
Even Now5/12
Where Yesterday Lives
Coming Home (I'm not sure if I'll read this one or not...I love her books, but one thing that bugs me is all the re-telling she does for the people who haven't read the particular series that books is apart of.  I have skipped chapters of her books because of the repetition.  I read reviews on this one and from what I've read 3/4 of the book is a recap of the 15 Baxter books before it.  I was bummed out.)

Well my book list was quite the disappointment. I don't really have a reason as to why I didn't complete my list...I just didn't. Very unusual for me.  But I promised myself that I wouldn't beat myself up over it. Just try again in 2013!  No. Big.

Sad

That's all I can say to describe how I feel now.  I just had a student come in and have me sign a withdrawal form.  Apparently he's moving schools and he needed me to sign off that he didn't have any Library fines.  I have had this boy in my Literacy class since January and had developed a fondness to him.  He had big blue eyes and a tough exterior, but I could feel that he had a heart full of burden.  He got in trouble a lot, struggled with school, and seemed to just be along for the ride.  I always tried to show kindness to him even though he had a special gift of driving me crazy...Even though he'd been in the office for the past 1.5 weeks for bad behavior and I hadn't had him in class, I still counted him as "one of mine".  Anyhow, he handed me the paper and I asked him where he was going and why.  I found out that he had been in foster care and was leaving that placement to move into his cousins house.  I not only had NO idea that he was in foster care, but also didn't know that he was there because his biological parents had a severe drug problem.  So much so that they couldn't take care of their 13 year old son.  Their 13 year old son who so desperately needed them.  No wonder he struggled with school so much...and had an unhealthy outlook on girls in his class...and didn't behave in school...he had no one.  He didn't care because he didn't feel cared for. 

This school is full of little kids in big bodies.  Little ones who used to be rocked by their mothers and sung over and prayed for.  Hopefully they still are.  Some of them may have never experienced any of that.  That makes me so sad.  They all walk around acting so mature yet are still so immature.  They act so big and tough, yet their feelings are laying on their sleeve. 

Who knows if anyone has ever told him how much God loves him?  That even though he didn't feel it from any adult in his life, that Jesus swoons over him.  While I'm in the middle of my "Mothers of Sons" 21 Prayer Challenge, I'm thinking I've just encountered another "son" to add to my prayer list.

Kindness...keep 'er comin'!

Since I exposed my toxic pattern of freaking out on the boys, I went into Sunday with a little more confidence. Guess what? Sunday was smooth as silk! Thank ya Jesus!

Monday-we went to our favorite ice cream place, Cold Stone Creamery. I hadn't mentioned anything about it, so it was a real big surprise when we got there!

Tuesday-It was bedtime. We keep hearing footsteps upstairs. We're trying to watch DVR'd shows that are 2-3 weeks old. I gently answered the boys after they came downstairs for the 5th time. Just can't get enough of ol maw and paw!

Wednesday--A lot of people in my circle are experiencing graduation and I've felt myself be especially weepy here lately. So here lately I've been taking time to sit back and be still. Especially in the arena of the boys. I have been standing back and just watching them...as if I were a stranger. I'll notice things about them, enjoy them, and try to soak up every small moment I can.

Thursday-to say that M inherited J'a attitude towards the morning is the understatement of the century. He is NOT a morning person. This morning M was getting short with me about missing the bus. He kept insisting he would and I was ensuring him he wouldn't. I didn't tie his shoe right, his socks were too tight, he wanted to see the still sleeping P, blah blah blah. All within about 3 minutes. My first reaction: put duct tape over his mouth. My eventual reaction: being as super gooey as I could and speaking encouragement and blessing. It's gonna be a great day!

Friday-seeing an awake (and smiling) face when I got home from the gym this morning before school. Nothing short of miraculous! I feel that I can't tell him enough how proud I am of him.

21 days of Prayer for da boys.

I learned from a tweet of a friend of mine about a prayer challenge to pray for our boys everyday for 21 days. Each of those days had a special designation and specific scripture to pray over them. This has been a great way to focus on characteristics that I want to see manifested in our boys. You can follow me on twitter @teambanks5 to see my pictorial posts. The prayer focus from each day are listed below and be sure to check out the 21 day prayer challenge!

Day 1-Heart Change
Day 2-Obediance
Day 3-Submission to Authority
Day 4-Integrity
Day 5-Avoiding Foolishness
Day 6-Pride
Day 7-Purity
Day 8-A Servants Heart
Day 9-Honor
Day 10-Love
Day 11-Joy
Day 12-Peace
Day 13-Patience
Day 14-Kindness
Day 15-Goodness
Day 16-Faithfulness
Day 17-Gentleness
Day 18-Self Control
Day 19-Anger
Day 20-Salvation
Day 21-Honesty/Humility

Crafty McCrafts Alot

In January I decided to tackle a family message board made of chalkboard paint.  Then I added initial hooks to hang all our stuff on. So far it has worked out really well!

I have always wanted to do something neat to display family pictures.  We have really tall walls leading down into the basement.  Presto!  My inspiration!  For February, I started my photo wall extravaganza!  I can't wait to add more pictures to it!







March brought P's birthday and the perfect time to make this wonderful birthday wreath.  It took a butt load of balloons, but it was super fun to make.  Making that wreath inspired me to make a wreath for Miss P's door.  So, March was a two-fer!

April held my biggest project yet.  J and I, out of sheer curiosity, peeked under the stairs leading downstairs and saw that underneath the carpet was hardwood!  So, I yanked that puppy up, plucked out every staple, and drug it all to the curb!  I then sanded and cleaned the stairs.  I got one coat of black paint on the stairs.  So this one will be finished in May.

Door before

So even though last month's stair project bled over into May, me being the legalist one that I am didn't want May to pass without me starting and finishing a new project.

Door after
 Even Miss Watermelon loves it!

June brought another Pinterest project, a bathroom organizer.

July, Reagan and I tackled homemade laundry soap.

August and September I made a Russell wreath. Not sure how much I even like it!  But to Redeem the fact that it took me 2 months to make a silly wreath, I made a BOO door hanger, and a pumpkin centerpiece.

 October I made a Link shield for Max's Halloween costume.

November I painted the bathroom.

December I finally finished the Russell wreath (still don't even know if I like it) and in about 2 hours I started and finished a candy cane wreath. Not bad.

Kindness Continued...

I'm seeing a sad pattern develop in my life.  Sundays are the day that I freak out on my children.  I didn't see this until I started this kindness challenge and became more aware of how I treat my kids.  But the first step to recovery is admission, right?  "Hi my name is Jill and I go psycho on one of my children on Sundays.  Praise God, let's go to church!"  Anyway, after another day where I apologize to my kids and say, "M, you know how mommy says that it's okay to get angry, but not okay to sin (scream, hit, be disrespectful, etc)? Well, I have to work on that too.  It's okay for me to be mad at you, but not okay for me to yell at you.  And I'm sorry."  Sadly, I'm getting too used that that!  Anyway, devil be gone!  You will not affect me anymore when it comes to my emotions and the way I handle my boys!  Speaking of boys, I'm starting this TOTALLY cool challenge for the next 21 days to pray for my boys.  Check it out here at 21 day boy prayer challenge.  I'm super excited about my prayer life directly affecting the current and future lives of my boys.  Anyhoo, here's how the week went...

Monday--M had an orchestra concert (he plays the viola...shocked the pants off of me!  But he stuck with it!) at the Paramount.  I wanted to get him a little something, as a congratulations present because most of the girls get bouquets of flowers.  I sure didn't want him left out.  So, knowing he wouldn't appreciate a armful of daisies, I opted for a Game Stop gift card.  He was so excited and grateful!  Who knew he had it in him!  I usually wouldn't do anything like that because I complain all the time that he has too much and they're limited to gifts for Christmas and birthdays.  But, I wanted him to feel special...so here we are...

Tuesday--on our way home from school R and I came across a snake in the road.  He was BEYOND excited.  We dispatched for pap's help and R summoned the neighbors.  He was giddy with adventure as he and the "big boys" tried to catch the snake with a hoe and leather gloves.  Lord, you would've thought they were trapping a rattlesnake or a bald eagle!  R was giving orders and identifying the snake like he was The Crocodile Hunter (RIP Steve Irwin) when finally they decided the snake's fate and let him loose in the woods.  Once we got home and our brush with death had worn down, R decided he needed to "protect the hill from more snakes."  So naturally he gets his blue rubber snake out of the bathtub and sits outside waiting on more to arrive.  Thankfully, word must of spread to stay away, because none showed up.

Wednesday--I encouraged J to take R on a house wash estimate after he picked him up from school today. R loves nothing more than to spend "big boy/daddy" stuff with J. I'm so glad J was good with it!

Thursday--was R's birthday and the whole day was devoted to him. At one point during the party, I turned around to see M and one of his friends. Instead of getting on to him for inviting someone without asking I just rolled with the punches and welcomed him.

Friday--was an early release day so M spent half the day with me while I was in meetings. I let him rule the school with another teacher's son. Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.