Checked mail

That is exactly what God has done to me the other night. Have you ever sat under a preacher and felt fairly confident that a) you were the only one in the room or b)That the one speaking had literally just read your journal. I felt both of those tonight. I was weepy the whole time. Mainly because praise and worship, my absolute favorite thing, was so powerful. I'm so thankful for those precious times of worship.

 I think part of the reason I was so weepy was because I've felt like lunch meat lately. And not the really expensive types that are like 9.99 pound with fancy herb types all rubbed in them, but more like chopped ham or souse. Yeah, more like souse. All the leftover nasty parts that are so gross. :-D  I mean, who really eats that crap?!  I feel like the past few months have been a series of screw ups and wanderings.  No big sin; just nagging, small ones that keep me from the full throttle adventure that I know God has for me.  Ones that I can NOT seem to kick no matter what.  Ugh.  So after days of particular melancholy moods, I said to myself, "Self...enough is enough.  Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and MOVE ON!"  Sometimes that works.  I'm hoping this is one of those times. 

SO.  I need a plan.  What could that plan be...I've been reading Elizabeth George's "Loving God With All Your Mind" and I read something just the other day that struck me.  That Christ commands us in Philippians 4:8  "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."  If I'm to get control over my thoughts, I need to measure every thought up to this yard stick. Is what I'm thinking, no matter how pleasurable or outlandish, is it REAL?  What happened to me 15 years ago, regardless of how I wish the outcome were different, isn't real.  My life didn't turn out that way.  What is real is that I'm married to J with 3 kids.  No matter how I wish some facets of life were different, whether it be for me or others in my circle, NOW is what is real.

The lady I heard preach the other day that moved me so talked about women being gullible, us being and raising a generation of starving Christians, and not being fully furnished spiritually.  I don't want to look back on my life and be ANY of those things.  But, I'm afraid that is exactly where I am.  So, let Operation Checked Mail commence!